Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just high enough for therapy.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
