She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
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