i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
sarcasm needs its own font
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
