I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I understand Curling. That high.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize