I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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