Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
