I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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