He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I smell like Dick and happiness
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
