I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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