Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
