Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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