Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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