Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
