Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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