Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
