I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
