do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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