I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Are my feet made of real feet?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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