i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
