We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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