There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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