.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
