i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
