I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
