well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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