carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
