So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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