We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize