i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
