You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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