just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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