I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
