My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
