He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
