I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
