I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
