Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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