Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
