I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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