my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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