Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
