Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
