i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
