Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
