i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
