y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
