drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
