Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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