I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
