Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
