my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
