i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
