Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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