If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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