The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
