The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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