I want to make a zoo with you.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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