Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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