Apparently you make a good broom.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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