But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i barfeds in our rink
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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