We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
