she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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