yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
