I faked an abortion last night.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
