hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
