I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
