What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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