For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
