You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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